I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
