He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
