Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
