I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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