his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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