Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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