I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
