Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize