If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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