did you get engaged???
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
