you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
