you guys were way drunker than both of me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
