do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
