if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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