Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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