So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
