I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
