Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
