Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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