did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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