This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
