i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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