I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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