Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
