How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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