i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize