Me too!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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