You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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