That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
