my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
