OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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