Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My penis needs a shock collar
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
