fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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