a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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