Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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