went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
