CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
