Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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