thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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