i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The best revenge is premature balding
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
