so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
