I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
