My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
