She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
