i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
