Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
