Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
