i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
