I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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