Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
