im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up under a house in Key West
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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