idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
