he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
