just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
