planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sext me about skeletons
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
