Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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