Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We had to coat check the pizza.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
