I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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