at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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