Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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