I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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