I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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