I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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