are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
