Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
