Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
